Well Mum I have finally done it ,handed in my letter to request my early retirement I know you used to listen to me drone on over the years when I was stressed from work ,you helped me so much and saved me from cracking up .So I know the time is right for me now although I will miss the proper nursing side as you know I loved that part of my job it's just all the shit now and cut backs etc ,don't feel I'm doing a good job of it anymore and have lost heart .My mind is not the same since losing you I suppose that's how it is going to be ,same for everyone who loses someone so close .It is that time of year when Christmas things are going up in the shops etc and I struggle as can't help but remember so many Christmases when we would meet up to go shopping ,happy memories but brings me to tears now .Love you Mum xx